Diary of a Menopausal Man

Well, I've had a few hours sleep, and at least 12 showers, but I don't think I've quite recovered from the nightmare of incarceration. (Must remember to be suitably grovelling and grateful to H, J and L for getting me out when I see them for dinner on my big day. And I sure hope they take credit cards). The only bright spot I can recall in the last 24 hours was the lovely Officer Paris Hilton - stict but fair (haired). It was a pleasure to be in her control, and I have to say it was a particular delight to have her take down my particulars.

But what on earth do I do next? The Company is sure to know about the blo*** Prius - I'm pretty sure that they called SB the EVP before reverting to my pals for help. So, am I facing a future with no Chelsea, no Aston, no job, and no car?????

Sorry, just had to break off to take a call on my mobile. Apparently, J has used her HR links to persuade the Company Medic that I'm having a breakdown, so they are offering to forgive everthing and put me in a private hospital for emergency treatment. I don't have a lot of choice, so I've agreed to exaggerate the symptoms and head off to the funny farm tonight.

Will check in as soon as I can - I wonder what tomorrow will hold???

Have to write this at the start of B-day minus 4 because I didn´t get released from the police station until just now. Thank got my friends J, H & l brought the money together to bail me out and pay the fine. It was over 20.000 pounds. I´ll pay them back as soon as I can I think.

My day in the cell with the air steward (I don´t even want to write or hear his name for the rest of my life) was a living hell. He tried to get closer to me while I was constantly moving away from him, but in a small police cell that isn´t quite as far away as I wanted. Ended up not sleeping for over 24 hours trying to upheld my virginity in this special case (never thought I had to fight one day to keep my virginity).

Strangely enough all unpure thoughts disappeared for the whole time, which at least has cleared my mind how I want to go on once I hit the big B-day, but that´s a story for another day.

Just a quick review of the service at the cell:
- food 1 points, I wish they would go back to water and bread
- service 1 point, haven´t seen a smile all day
- bed 0 points, didn´t want to lie on one of them because of you know who
- airconditioning 10 points, but only if you like freezing cold

Only highlight of the day: the police woman who gave me back my personal belongings with a smile, still haven´t found out her name, must do soon.