No. of entries in my blog - 19
No. of gorgeous women I've had encounters with in the blog - 7
No. of days left to sort myself out before I see H, J and L - 1
No. of packs of Prozac smuggled out of the hospital - 24 (you can never be 'too happy')
No. of red Porsches parked in the hospital car park - 100% (If all red Porsche drivers are crazy, maybe I shouldn't lust after one any more??)

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the Prozac has kicked in, and I've said a reluctant goodbye to my 'second home'. (Don't worry, I've asked Caley to book me in for a small 'relapse' just before Christmas).

My first port of call was to pick up my bus pass, which apparently you have to do in person from a council office near Tower Bridge. It was almost closing time when I got there, but luck was on my side. As I exited, I realised that I was within walking distance of the Oxo Tower. Could this be a coincidence, or was it fate? Fate or not, a drink sounded like a good idea, so I headed up to the Terrace Bar, thinking that Milano might be on duty, which would cheer me up. As I stood there with my Diet Coke in my hand, a vision of loveliness appeared before me. It was Chelsea, telling me how thrilled she was to see me after all this time. Once I had made sure that it wasn't just a side effect of the Prozac, and/or the Diet Coke hadn't been spiked, I heard the whole story. She was mortified to hear that she had blanked me the previous week - she blamed it on being riotously drunk, as usual, and took a vow on the spot to become teetotal if only I would forgive her.

Well, dear readers, what can I say? I may have lost my dignity, my mind and my car, but I got the girl, with only 1 day to spare before my official birthday. (It will certainly be one in the eye for those 3 at dinner tomorrow night - I bet they won't believe how exciting my life has been for the last few weeks).

No of sexy nurses - 25 (this now includes the nightshift)
No. of impure thoughts - 783Dozens (all about the nurses and Chelsea)
No. of prescription drugs taken - 2 (Viagra & Cealis)
No. of times it actually was of any use - ain´t gonna tell you

I have had a ball of a time, this should become my offical 2nd address, I have been pampered, bathed by Caley (twice), was served coffee in the conservatory - this is heaven on earth.

Still my mind wonders what I will do tomorrow - I believe that I will not be able to hit the big birthday without solving the 2 things that are most on my mind.
1. has Chelsea really forgotten me
2. where do I get my free bus pass for London since I have hit that big age almost ?

Haven't really figured out which one has priority, but since I have no car, it seems easy.

Probably will need to decide tomorrow morning what to do, but until then will make use of the nice services they offer here. Oh nurse Caley could you please bring me some more of those nice drugs and I urgently need another bath ...........

No of sexy nurses - 5 (and the nightshift haven't even arrived yet!!)
No. of impure thoughts - Dozens (mostly about the aforementioned nurses)
No. of official nervous breakdowns diagnosed - 1
No. of hours of worked - 0
No. of rather nice yellow pills that make me feel very, very nice - 2 every 4 hours

Hello from the Sunshine Towers Resthome. I've been assessed, and they have apparently decided that I'm 'confused and emotional from overwork' rather than barking mad, so it means that I've been assigned to a minimum security room. This is the best thing that's happened to me in months - a nice room, great food, free drugs, no work, and lots of gorgeous nurses. I wonder how long I'll be able to spin this out for? I've even received an official bouquet from BP, with a personalised 'hurry back' message from the boss. (As a sufferer from mental illness, I'll be sure to give him at least double points in his diversity score).

My favourite nurse is definitely the lovely Nurse Caley, a Celtic beauty with a twinkle in her eye and (I've been told) a particular skill in bed baths. Perhaps I could pretend to be bedridden tomorrow?

In fact, the only thing that's spoiling this idyllic situation is that, whenever the yellow pills start to wear off, I find my mind straying back to that awful night at the Oxo Tower. Chelsea, have you really forgotten me????